You who won't even look back
by chacile
Summary: Meyrin's POV, her broken hopes and how she would react upon learning to whom does Athrun's heart truly belongs..  A Oneshot. AsuCaga inside..


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Gundam Seed or Gundam Seed Destiny. **

**A/N: I certainly love AsuCaga but I never have the heart to hate Meyrin since her moments are so insignificant to be considered a rival for Cagalli.. This is how I see her through GSD though.. This is primarily based on her point of view and how she would react upon learning to whom does Athrun's heart truly belong.**

**For those who read Moment in time, I thank you so much for your kind reviews.. I'm glad you liked it.. **

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You.. who suddenly came inside the bridge together with the Princess, so silent and yet someone who looked so proud. When the Chairman asked for your opinion about the battle, I was really surprised.. _How could the Chairman asked such an opinion from a mere civilian?.. _Then I was shocked when I learned that you were actually Athrun Zala.. The most controversial person in the history of ZAFT Military, the noble son of the then Military Chairman Patrick Zala.. such a very intelligent and handsome man, not to mention, a hero..

You probably did not notice me then, all you think about was the war we were in and making sure that nothing befall to your precious comrade who you served as an aide.. But I've been watching you.. I watched how you thoughtfully think of a way so we can get out of that difficult situation, I watched how you renounce the desire to be in the frontline of war again. Onee – chan also talked a lot about you. She also like you so much.. I can only listen to her chatting about your heroic deeds as she has more knowledge than me, since she graduated a ZAFT Red like you. I can only watch you and the Princess with awe as you walked together, indeed, you are a perfect gentleman. I notice how critical you are in assisting and protecting your war comrade from the unwanted talks of the people. How your face changed when the Princess silently accepted the insults hurled at her, how you gently held her in your arms and silently guide her to the room you both shared.

Since then, I have been wondering.. "_How wonderful it might be to be on the shoes of the woman you love.. Lacus – sama must have been very lucky.. If you are as gentle to the Princess, then it might be even more to your lover.."_ I would always blush at the thought. I think of you as an impossible dream, you.. who didn't even bother to give a long look on my beautiful, sexy, and talented Onee – chan, who everyone admired.

My admiration for you grow bigger when you decided to join the dispersal of the Junius Seven which was about to drop to Earth.. Specially, when you did it on your own accord as shown when the Princess worriedly asked where you were.. She even stayed with us all the way to Earth just to wait for you. I'm jealous that even as a comrade, she can show you how much she's worried and how much she cared.. "_If only I can too.."_ I just watched her hurriedly run out of the bridge to welcome you, much to Onee – chan's surprise when she told us that you only broke a smiling face towards the running Princess. At that instance, I wished.. to be given the chance to be closer to you so that you'll smile at me too.

Then came that lucky day, you suddenly came to Minerva as a ZAFT Red appointed to FAITH.. someone belonging to the top elites of the military. How happy I was when you declared that you'll be with us! that you'll become our superior officer! My impossible wish seems to be granted little by little. This time, I browsed through your history to know more about you, and to have the idea how to approach you. Even though you had been together with us, you still seemed so distant.. Just passing by as if you see no one, it doesn't even bother you just how famous you are among us. And just how immune you are to my own sister's charms! Could it be because you are too used on looking at beauties everyday? Lacus – sama and the Orb's Hime – sama are extreme beauties on their own accord right? Not to mention, they are as skinny as my sister and women of great influence.. "_Just what can I do for you to notice me too..?" _Whenever I looked myself at the mirror, I would always feel frustrated.. I'm not skinny, I'm short, I don't have a beautiful voice, I don't have an exceptionally beautiful and fiery eyes like the Princess, I don't hold any power and influence, I am not even an exceptional soldier, nor am I a hero. I am just a very ordinary girl, thinking and hoping that someone like you might have the time to look back to me too.

However, those insecurities slowly faded.. When Lacus – sama came and visited us, I saw how you did your best to be just civil to her and did not even give in to her beautiful advantages. I started to think, maybe you aren't after exceptional beauty at all.. You did not even worship her lately very sexy outfits that everyone else had been talking about. You would just remain silent, and so I took advantage of the opportunity to be near you too. Then came that encounter with the Freedom, from the CIC, I can hear your argumentation with its pilot, and how he is mad about you for blaming the Princess and her country and fighting what she wanted to protect. You lost to him very badly at that time, and after that, you reverted back to being very distant from us. You wouldn't almost see anyone, and it became severe when the Freedom and Archangel exploded in front of us. Sometimes, I wonder.. just why are you so vexed at the idea of going against your comrade? Didn't you re – in listed in the military to fight for our homeland.. Athrun – san..?

Whether it was good or not, I suddenly found myself in your hands when I came with you as you were running away from the crime of treason that was plotted against you.. When Shin came after us and attacked the mobile suit we were in, I can't help but feel contentment if I am to die with you as you protected me.. Because for the first time, you talked to me.. You held my hand.. that alone, made me happy. When I woke up and realized that we were fortunately saved, I asked for you.. The woman named Miriallia said that you're already coping yourself. I wanted to see you but I cannot as my body can't take it yet.. so I have to wait for a little bit more, till I will be able to talk you and take care of you myself. That, at least is the most I can do after you protected me.. Then came the day I had anticipated, I finally walked to your room and saw a view that surprises me so much.. The Archangel's captain, Orb's Hime – sama and the person who from the voice I deduced is the pilot of Freedom.. all of those heroes that manned this powerful ship are surrounding you and taking care of you. They are very great people.. that I feel very insignificant by myself.

Then I realized, just how different your world is from mine.. You are being surrounded by powerful, beautiful and politically significant people, you're more than a star.. someone beyond my reach. But still, I want to be close to you.. Perhaps, being her aide for the past years, I noticed that the Princess is always by your side taking care of you and accompanying you if not together with the person named Kira –san who I learned was the Princess' twin and your very own best friend. You talked to them like you never talk to us, you wouldn't even mind their direct questions to you.. you are so open to them that I feel jealous again. But.. I can never be like them, I am nowhere near their level, nor am I as close to you.. But I wanted to stay by your side too.. I may not be as great as the Princess but my feelings for you are real.. So whenever the Princess is out during your sleep, I would always stay in her place. A side of you I've never seen before was uncovered in front of me when Orb was under attack. When you learned of the reason why the Princess did not come to visit, you suddenly got up of your bed and insisted to go to the bridge even when your body can barely manage from all the injuries you sustained. You must have felt responsible since you instructed your best friend to save your fiancée, Lacus – sama. I was amazed to see how the cool and calm headed Athrun Zala shouted his life out when the Princess was about to be obliterated by Shin. I looked at you.. how passionate you are towards her.. and then I thought, what a very lucky princess she is.. having a very powerful and kind brother in the person of Kira – san and a very loyal and caring comrade like you. When the Justice docked on the Archangel and saw the real Lacus – sama.. a realization came through me, you are not in love with the Plants great songstress. It was very clear as the day that you only thought of each other as friends and that was confirmed when Kira – san came back.

I was very happy upon learning it.. That you two aren't in love with each other.. then, I think again.. Why and for whom were you fighting for? Is it just for the sake of peace? Is it because of your precious comrades? Before we left Earth to go to the Moon, the Princess told me, to take care of someone since she can't come with us. I was surprised, did she mean you? Was the Princess in love with you? But I scratched off that idea when I remembered that it was the Princess who saved your life during the past war.. That must be what she meant by it. On the moon, I also saw how worried you are for the well being of Kira – san and Lacus – sama, and how you cried during the death of Meer – san.. All those sides of you, I saw Athrun – san.. Even though you seldom looked back at me, when I was right by your side. It was enough for me to be right beside the man I like and admire so much.. Because for sure, somehow, you will definitely remember me this time. Even if it was little, I was able to take part of your life. Then, after the war, I thought that my originally small dream, became bigger and slowly coming true. At that time during our meeting with Lacus – sama, Kira – san, Onee – chan and Shin, I was very happy to be the one to accompany you and learning that you'll also be coming to us to the Plants for the continuing peace negotiation.

I was very happy to learn that Kira – san will be joining the military as a ZAFT White Commander and Lacus – sama finally serving the Supreme Council. Surely with this, you're going to stay in ZAFT right? Even if you didn't look back to me when we were walking from there, I decided that it's gonna be fine. I won't have to rush since I'll have all my chances once you continue serving our military. But a little disappointment came over me when you came to us wearing the same uniform that Kira – san wore before going to space.. I wondered why? And I finally got the most painful answer when we get to the Plants.. after the sweet moment of Kira – san and Lacus – sama in front and to the surprise of all the people around. Your eyes started to roam around as if looking for someone.. I closely watched your every move and saw how focused you were, waiting for the door where the meeting was held, to open. Just when I thought that it almost took an eternity for the meeting to be called break for lunch, the delegates from Orb and Plants came out one by one, and I saw how you suddenly rise up from your seat and catch the eyes of the Princess. The moment she held eye contact with you and smiled at you, I saw how you smiled happily and opened your arms widely... and to the surprise and shock of all the councilmen, emirs, and military officers present, the Princess run her way towards you. And how tightly you locked your arms on each other as if never wanting to let go.. How shyly you took her hand before inserting the familiar looking ring on her ring finger, and much to her embarrassment when in front of everyone else you told her..

"I love you.. only you.. I will never let go of you.. I won't rush.. Just let me be by your side.." The moment I heard those words spoken lovingly by you.. Tears started to fall down my cheeks.. It hurts so much.. The words I wanted to tell you.. The words I wanted you to hear.. _"You and me are on the same boat after all.. just that, I want you to hear it from me, and you wanted to tell that to the Princess.." _the sight had been too much to bear when I saw the Princess nod and said.

"I love you too.. very much.. I won't let you get away from me this time either.. You're stuck with me forever.." The beam of happiness on your face as you hear her saying those words and lean back to your tight embrace are like flying daggers to my chest.. It's very painful_.. "I have thought that I have a chance.. I'm willing to wait.. Since you and Lacus – sama were not in a relationship, then perhaps, I can somehow make my own way to your distant heart.. But how wrong was I.. I should've thought more of your lingering gazes to the Princess.. to your Princess.. How you obsessively put her welfare before yours, how depressed you were when the Archangel exploded, how terrified you were when you saw her about to lose to Shin.." _then a realization came through her. _"The reason why you fought.. is it her afterall..? Is that why you were very repulsive to the idea of fighting against Orb? Not just because she was your comrade, but because, she is your very important lover.. Your true beloved fiancée? And is that why you never established a residence in Orb on your own..? All those times, you'd been living together.. by each other's side and in each other's arms.." _She slowly made her way out of the hallway as she covered her face full with tears.. The surprised people ended up smiling at the refreshing view of romantic display and exchange of words..

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Lunamaria run to her sister.. She knew, how Meyrin would've felt right now. When she saw earlier how the real Lacus – sama and Commander Yamato hugged each other while Athrun is looking fine, she had a hunch that his affection is centred towards one single woman that made him threw away his attaché case when he heard the word "married to some weird guy". The cold Athrun that time when he just boarded the Minerva certainly made sense to the man they are all looking at right now.. His beautiful eyes became alive, that it's screaming of love and devotion towards the woman in his arms who's blushing profusely. _"He must have lost half of life's years worth at that time.. Poor man.." _just then, she catches up to her younger sister.

"Meyrin!" she called. Pity overcame her as she saw her younger sister's face full with tears and hug her..

"It's alright Meyrin.. You would eventually forget and find a man who will set his eyes only at you.. Even better than how Athrun had locked his eyes to his Princess.." she consoled her sister and saw her just nod. She then heard her say.

"So you knew.." Meyrin asked her.

"Not certainly, but I have a hunch.. You see.. Just imagine how he ignored me as if I did not exist even after how obviously I tried to get closer to him and even after he was being seduced by that fake Lacus – sama.. and all other hints I picked up along the way.." Meyrin is now sobbing controllably than earlier.

"I thought that I will have the chance to get closer to him, specially when he finally started talking to me. Even though, he only looked at me for a couple of times.. I still wish that he will eventually start treating me like her whom I thought was just a comrade.. But I was wrong.. Not once did he ever look at me with those passionate and warm eyes.. It was her all along.. Always her.. No matter how much I do, I can never be of par to that great woman.. and he who I thought will eventually be reached by my grasp, will continue to walk forward and won't even look back towards someone like me.." she buried her head on Luna's chest.

"_Life is never fair Meyrin.. You'll eventually forget.." _Luna thought as she comforted her sister. That little romantic incident during the peace negotiation was sensationalized after seven years when the government of the United Emirates of Orb publicly announced the wedding of their beloved Princess and their most distinguished Admiral.. The news spread through the entire Plants and other countries, and everyone shared the joy of the loving couple as they lovingly exchange their I do's. No one had ever thought that while the rest of the world celebrated, a young woman's heart continued to bleed as her story disappeared at the back of history..

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